the kid has been busy baby!! this month is pretty packed as far as shows go. some are paying...some are not, but its all love. enough are paying . ive been pretty happy lately. not really on my grind with my anthro class as i should be, so i gotta get on my game with that. last thing i wanna do is work my ass off for 3 and half years and then fuck up my last semester. that is unacceptable.

im more at ease with the whole graduating and being an adult aspect of this final semester. my homegirl is gonna let me live with her in ny which is real peace. i still hope to find my own spot, but at least i wont have to go home now. my internship is real serious about taking me on as an employee. hopefully that happens cuz i actually like what i do. its non-profit which means blood, sweat and tears and no cheers at the end. it also means very little money. chances are i wont do it for too long but its good for now. i also wanna focus more on poetry. i figure if i can get one show a week that would be good. i really gotta focus on getting a press kit done. this is where OPB comes in. my soror remo is a PR for a living, so im sure she can at least give me some advice. i see so many sistas and brothas doing poetry for a living and i can compete with them for talent...so why couldnt i do the same thing? im not saying im gonna do just poetry...i love it, but poetry doesnt give me any health benefits. but i def wanna focus on it more than i have since ive been at hofstra.

is it sad that i really wanna read once im done with school? like i wanna read all the shit i never had time to read cuz i always have school work. it may sound a bit lame...but fuck u!! its my plan .

it took a while but i am def doing better as far as my happiness level. im not letting the actions of my ex get to me anymore. i still got love for her, but its not the same kinda love i had before. many things have happened that made me think about shit. at one point i was like u know what...fuck it...if we cant be friends thats no sweat off my back. but im glad we are friends. granted, maybe not to the extent that i hoped, but that may come with time. but we are good. i dont look at her anymore and wish i could be with her. havent felt that way for a while. time might not heal all wounds, cuz the situation still hurts. but time does allow u to put things in order. my order doesnt involve her like it did before...at least not in the same way as it once did.

so yea, the kid is happier. thats progress folks. i feel like im getting older. age number is def increasing but that doesnt mean ur mind and maturity levels are. i feel like mine are tho. for a while i felt like i was staying stagnant (which is better than going backwards), but i wasnt feeling like i was progressing. now i do again. my focus is different, my priorities are not, but the way i go about them is. its time that i be about me and not others. folks on campus have been saying damn dez u have been on the low lately. its not even about that. its me making sure im out of this damn school this may. its about me making sure i have a job and a place to live in ny after grad. its about me making sure i am as happy as i can get myself to be without having to depend on someone else to provide that happiness for me. times are not changing but dez is. at leats i hope i am...